...if you really think about it, we live in such a screwed up world.
The older I get, the more aware I am of how screwed up we are. When I was younger, all I wanted was to finish my homework, not make a fool of myself in front of the school crush and see my friends. Perhaps there was more to that but age has given me selective memory storage it seems. I am sure life was as complicated then than it is now.
I woke up early today and read about yet another celebrity getting divorced. I hate reading about divorces. Maybe 'hate' isn't the right word. 'Amused' would be conceived as cold hearted; 'sad' may be thought of as me being dense - divorces are such a normal occurrence now that sometimes I don't see the point of people getting married.
I like attending weddings - they symbolise love, happiness, hope and a new beginning. Weddings give me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside, nothing to do I'm sure with being overfed with nasi minyak and ayam masak merah. I look at the newly married couple and I remember how excited I was that I now get to go home with Abg at the end of the day. When I thought of my wedding - it isn't how beautiful the hantarans were or how many came but I remember thinking, 'I will never be alone now.'
I send the newlyweds with silent prayers that their marriage will always be blessed with as much love and joy - I hope that they remember how much they loved each other on their wedding day, though it may not seem that way when things are bad.
As simplistic and as naive as that may sound, being 8 years ago and not knowing what may happen; some will say 'you still don't know what is going to happen in the future, woman' - I felt extremely comforted at knowing that Abg has taken a vow to be with me no matter what and where. Eight years ago, I looked at him and truly believed that we would grow old together, no matter how badly he snored or how fat I got.
Anyway, how can a beginning filled with such joy and love end so easily? What went wrong? What is it that our grandparents and their parents have that make them endure 30, 40 years of marriage? Is getting married serving a different purpose than it used to?
On the other hand, I would totally support divorce in a marriage that involves any form of abuse, of course.
Have we become too independent for our own good?
Saturday, March 03, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
What I did today
Look, I understand parking at any hospital is horrendous. At least patients only have to endure it once every few weeks or months - God knows if our government had more sense and plan efficient shuttle services to hospitals maybe it can help, but that is another story - we have to deal with it on a daily basis.
Hence, I've resorted to driving to work while it's still dark in order to snap up that coveted space - which is not my story.
I cannot however tolerate idiots who park inconsiderately that you are now blocking other people. At least leave a note lah - or else I will leave a note for you, ada faham?
Hence, I've resorted to driving to work while it's still dark in order to snap up that coveted space - which is not my story.
I cannot however tolerate idiots who park inconsiderately that you are now blocking other people. At least leave a note lah - or else I will leave a note for you, ada faham?
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
What is it....
...about Malaysians and their obsession with shopping?
Seriously.
Bandung - shopping.
Jakarta - shopping.
Bangkok - shopping.
Jogja - shopping and okay lah, maybe Borobudur.
Solo - shopping.
Chiang Mai - shopping.
London - also shopping?!
Seriously?
Kalau nak shopping, tak yah g London - you can save your flight ticket fare and just shop at KLCC. Setakat nak beli shopping bag Harrods....
Seriously.
Bandung - shopping.
Jakarta - shopping.
Bangkok - shopping.
Jogja - shopping and okay lah, maybe Borobudur.
Solo - shopping.
Chiang Mai - shopping.
London - also shopping?!
Seriously?
Kalau nak shopping, tak yah g London - you can save your flight ticket fare and just shop at KLCC. Setakat nak beli shopping bag Harrods....
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
These are my nieces and nephews. I love them to bits. More so because I get to pretend at being a parent when I see them, yet don't have to worry about whether the expensive gift I get them may be psychologically scarring them for life. Kids may say they hate their mummies and daddies when they are upset; I don't think I have heard any say they hate Mak Long, especially one as cool as me!
I get to enjoy them when they are happy and smiling and don't have to bear any temper tantrums or migraine-inducing screaming fits or even silent sulks. Being an aunt rocks!
p/s: Denny is now recuperating at home. He split his lower jaw and has broken both his incisors but at least he's ok.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Monday Blues indeed
I very rarely leave my food unfinished. I guess you can tell by the state of my physical shape, haha. When I go to buffets, I take just a little bit of everything that I wanted to taste and go for seconds if I feel like it. Hence, minimal wastage.
However, this morning, I took three spoonfuls of my laksam and left the shop hungry. It was a sorry excuse for what the dish is supposed to be and the person who made it must have never had a proper laksam in her/his life.
Sometimes, when the dish is bad, I still force myself to finish it, because I think of all the pakcik petani and pakcik penternak and makcik penjual and makcik tukang masak and nothing justifies me wasting this rezeki but that laksam wannabe was just vile.
On a sad note, this is Denny's face this morning as I was getting ready to go to work.
He was fine last night. I am not too sure what happened to him; he's gotten into fights before but never to this extent. His nostrils are clotted with blood that he's breathing through his blood crusted mouth. His face is all swollen and there is an area of skin loss on his chin.
Was he run over by a motorbike or did he fall and hit his face somewhere? He seems to be able to walk so I don't think he has any fractures.
Alahai anak aku.....
However, this morning, I took three spoonfuls of my laksam and left the shop hungry. It was a sorry excuse for what the dish is supposed to be and the person who made it must have never had a proper laksam in her/his life.
Sometimes, when the dish is bad, I still force myself to finish it, because I think of all the pakcik petani and pakcik penternak and makcik penjual and makcik tukang masak and nothing justifies me wasting this rezeki but that laksam wannabe was just vile.
On a sad note, this is Denny's face this morning as I was getting ready to go to work.
He was fine last night. I am not too sure what happened to him; he's gotten into fights before but never to this extent. His nostrils are clotted with blood that he's breathing through his blood crusted mouth. His face is all swollen and there is an area of skin loss on his chin.
Was he run over by a motorbike or did he fall and hit his face somewhere? He seems to be able to walk so I don't think he has any fractures.
Alahai anak aku.....
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Bleurgh
I am currently doing an attachment in another department for 11 weeks. While it may be refreshing to not be doing calls for the next 2 months plus, there is something intolerable about being functionless.
At least in my own department, I knew where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to do. Boredom is a terrible way to pass the time.
At least in my own department, I knew where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to do. Boredom is a terrible way to pass the time.
Sunday, January 08, 2012
Thursday, January 05, 2012
Jalan-jalan Pekan-Rompin
I love road trips. There is an excitement which is hard to describe, in going through small 'kampungs' and discovering hidden treasures.
During the recent three-day weekend, we decided we would spend it in Kuantan, having gone back to KL the last two, and just thinking about driving to Kelantan was enough to exhaust me.
Since we're only about 40km from Pekan, I googled things to do there. Almost all the websites mentioned decent-enough sites like the Royal Palace, Sultan Abu Bakar museum and the Water Transport museum.
So off we went, cruising along the 4 lane road (passing only a handful of other vehicles, tau la nak pergi Pekan DiRaja kannn) - and in 20 mins we had arrived!
Pintu gerbang pun ada payung
One of the mosques in Pekan
and this was what greeted us:
How come no one bothered to update the tourist information sites that the museum is undergoing renovation? Hel-lo....?
View down the road from the under renovation museum
and across the road, the Watercraft gallery looked interesting enough - on the notice board, it says opening times 9.30 am.
Badly maintained tourist site in Pekan (Royal Town some more!)
It was about 10.45am when we were there and the gate was securely locked, complete with rusted chains.
Locked gates
Undeterred, we drove around the almost -unpopulated town, went round the Palace and the Polo Club.
Gates of the Palace
I especially like this very old building - old building makes me sad, I wonder what history comes with it, but the gates are locked and there are no notices to explain what this building is. Abg tells me it's the tombs for the Royal Family.
**further googling has revealed that this is Sultan Abdullah Mosque next to the Royal Tombs
Royal Tombs, apparently
Severely disappointed but still cheerful, we decided to drive further down to Rompin - apparently it's famous for 'udang galah's.
From Pekan just before you reach Rompin, on your right is an R&R with a prawn shaped statue. There are about 4-6 shops there, all selling the specialty dish.
'Udang' shaped statue, see...?
Anyone who can correctly name the price of these babies gets a mystery gift!
I think it is safe to say that we won't be running back to this makan place.
and finally, stopped by this stretch of road where there are several stalls set up selling pickled fruits, apparently locally made in Muadzam Shah. Bought a small jar of 'buah salak' [snake fruit] and 'sengkuang'. Discovered the salak pickle to be rotten when we got home. Ah well.
I love road trips.
During the recent three-day weekend, we decided we would spend it in Kuantan, having gone back to KL the last two, and just thinking about driving to Kelantan was enough to exhaust me.
Since we're only about 40km from Pekan, I googled things to do there. Almost all the websites mentioned decent-enough sites like the Royal Palace, Sultan Abu Bakar museum and the Water Transport museum.
So off we went, cruising along the 4 lane road (passing only a handful of other vehicles, tau la nak pergi Pekan DiRaja kannn) - and in 20 mins we had arrived!
Pintu gerbang pun ada payung
One of the mosques in Pekan
and this was what greeted us:
How come no one bothered to update the tourist information sites that the museum is undergoing renovation? Hel-lo....?
View down the road from the under renovation museum
and across the road, the Watercraft gallery looked interesting enough - on the notice board, it says opening times 9.30 am.
Badly maintained tourist site in Pekan (Royal Town some more!)
It was about 10.45am when we were there and the gate was securely locked, complete with rusted chains.
Locked gates
Undeterred, we drove around the almost -unpopulated town, went round the Palace and the Polo Club.
Gates of the Palace
I especially like this very old building - old building makes me sad, I wonder what history comes with it, but the gates are locked and there are no notices to explain what this building is. Abg tells me it's the tombs for the Royal Family.
**further googling has revealed that this is Sultan Abdullah Mosque next to the Royal Tombs
Royal Tombs, apparently
Severely disappointed but still cheerful, we decided to drive further down to Rompin - apparently it's famous for 'udang galah's.
From Pekan just before you reach Rompin, on your right is an R&R with a prawn shaped statue. There are about 4-6 shops there, all selling the specialty dish.
'Udang' shaped statue, see...?
Anyone who can correctly name the price of these babies gets a mystery gift!
I think it is safe to say that we won't be running back to this makan place.
and finally, stopped by this stretch of road where there are several stalls set up selling pickled fruits, apparently locally made in Muadzam Shah. Bought a small jar of 'buah salak' [snake fruit] and 'sengkuang'. Discovered the salak pickle to be rotten when we got home. Ah well.
I love road trips.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Digging a hole in the rain
Six cats in three weeks.
I am never rescuing strays ever.
It must be that scrawny yellow tabby who came meowing for food. I noted that my younger kittens started to get sick after that. We didn't see him for quite a while when he suddenly appeared at my door last night, pathetically thin, drooling at the mouth, tail crusted with dried feces. His eyes were almost completely shut by the discharge, he was meowing pitifully but I could not risk my older cats getting what he has.
He was still under my car this morning, and still on the porch this afternoon and already dead by the time I got home.
A dead cat always makes me sad - even when it's not my own.
So, even with the drizzle outside, I took the 'cangkul' and dug a shallow grave for the nameless cat.
I learnt that the 'cangkul' isn't built for digging graves. After about 10 minutes of digging (I wonder what the neighbours were thinking, this baju kurung-clad lady huffing and a puffing digging a hole in the rain at dusk), I placed him in it and buried him when I noticed his two hind feet were protruding through the soil. I managed to redistribute the soil so the whole cat is covered.
May you rest in comfort, yellow one.
I am never rescuing strays ever.
It must be that scrawny yellow tabby who came meowing for food. I noted that my younger kittens started to get sick after that. We didn't see him for quite a while when he suddenly appeared at my door last night, pathetically thin, drooling at the mouth, tail crusted with dried feces. His eyes were almost completely shut by the discharge, he was meowing pitifully but I could not risk my older cats getting what he has.
He was still under my car this morning, and still on the porch this afternoon and already dead by the time I got home.
A dead cat always makes me sad - even when it's not my own.
So, even with the drizzle outside, I took the 'cangkul' and dug a shallow grave for the nameless cat.
I learnt that the 'cangkul' isn't built for digging graves. After about 10 minutes of digging (I wonder what the neighbours were thinking, this baju kurung-clad lady huffing and a puffing digging a hole in the rain at dusk), I placed him in it and buried him when I noticed his two hind feet were protruding through the soil. I managed to redistribute the soil so the whole cat is covered.
May you rest in comfort, yellow one.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Post tak puas hati
This morning in the ward, a bunch of innocent looking chaps were lounging around, occasionally being led by sister looking at god knows what - later I was informed that they were future medical students, waiting to be flown overseas for their education.
As they were leaving, they thanked one of my housemen for showing them around and I was tempted to say, "Remember to come home after you finish - you are there on Rakyat's money - jangan perasan nak jadi mat saleh" but of course I didn't. It must be the age but I am finding that I am much better at keeping my mouth shut nowadays.
I reckon the government should just save their money and just let all students study locally. Bila dah study overseas, rasa macam bagus, that you are not good enough to work at home. Crap.
Some say, when sponsored to study overseas, the first thing that they try to find out is, apart from where the nearest halal meat store is, how they can stay permanently. Patut la Malaysia is the way she is. Dah la ahli politik tak berapa cerdik, rakyat selfish, pentingkan diri.
Crap.
As they were leaving, they thanked one of my housemen for showing them around and I was tempted to say, "Remember to come home after you finish - you are there on Rakyat's money - jangan perasan nak jadi mat saleh" but of course I didn't. It must be the age but I am finding that I am much better at keeping my mouth shut nowadays.
I reckon the government should just save their money and just let all students study locally. Bila dah study overseas, rasa macam bagus, that you are not good enough to work at home. Crap.
Some say, when sponsored to study overseas, the first thing that they try to find out is, apart from where the nearest halal meat store is, how they can stay permanently. Patut la Malaysia is the way she is. Dah la ahli politik tak berapa cerdik, rakyat selfish, pentingkan diri.
Crap.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Loss
Tell me again why I let myself get attached to my pets - all I wanted to do is make sure they have enough to eat and not sleep in the rain but when they die, all I can think about is how they would play at my feet and get on top of us whenever we're watching tv. All it takes is a crumpled ball of paper, and they are entertained for hours.
They would never let a debilitating condition keep them down. As long as they are fed and warm, they are happy.
I don't know what happened but once in a while we would have an outbreak of viral infection and my cats will die at such a rapid rate that I am left helpless.
After 4 dying in quick succession, now two of my constant companions while I was stressed out with exams preparation aren't feeling too well. All I can do is keep them warm with hot water bottles and keep them hydrated and hope they are strong enough to weather through the worst.
They would never let a debilitating condition keep them down. As long as they are fed and warm, they are happy.
I don't know what happened but once in a while we would have an outbreak of viral infection and my cats will die at such a rapid rate that I am left helpless.
After 4 dying in quick succession, now two of my constant companions while I was stressed out with exams preparation aren't feeling too well. All I can do is keep them warm with hot water bottles and keep them hydrated and hope they are strong enough to weather through the worst.
Friday, December 09, 2011
Bliss is....
...checking in into a hotel, ordering room service and knowing that you REALLY don't have anything to do but to take it easy.
My friend said, he went home after getting the results, (he had passed by the way) and felt empty because for once in a long while, he didn't have to hit the books and make sure he knew the differences between the three types of muscles. It had actually felt weird. I, for one, (call me strange) had wanted to keep on studying!
The exams had been pretty straighforward. Unlike the exit exams which would require the candidate to have read beyond the recommended text, the entrance exam (we call it Part 1) basically tested how much you know the fundamentals. I had dreaded Anatomy - for the life of me, I still can't tell the difference between the intrinsic muscles of the hand! One takes one hand for granted; until you work in a hospital which is a Hand centre and you will never look at it the same way.
With hindsight - despite all the tears and frustrations and threatening to quit 'once and for all' - it was all worth it, just to say 'I passed' - and there had been MANY times when I came this close to throwing in the towel. If not for my wonderful wonderful colleagues, I think I would have done it. Just knowing that someone else felt the same way was enough.
To all future candidates, I cannot stress enough how important having a study group is. If I had to write it a million times, I will. It isn't just the studying, but the support system it provides. Just knowing that other people too felt crap was comforting. Of course, it helps heaps if they turn out to be the best group in the world. Seriously, I wouldn't have wished for a better group of mad mad people.
Mad because we had actually voluntarily put ourselves through it! Mad!
However, jokes aside - with everything now water under the bridge, I am glad I persevered. I wouldn't have been able to look at myself in the mirror if I had chickened out and quit before I knew how far I could go.
I know this sounds like a cliche, but SERIOUSLY, if I made through it, then ANYONE can.....
My friend said, he went home after getting the results, (he had passed by the way) and felt empty because for once in a long while, he didn't have to hit the books and make sure he knew the differences between the three types of muscles. It had actually felt weird. I, for one, (call me strange) had wanted to keep on studying!
The exams had been pretty straighforward. Unlike the exit exams which would require the candidate to have read beyond the recommended text, the entrance exam (we call it Part 1) basically tested how much you know the fundamentals. I had dreaded Anatomy - for the life of me, I still can't tell the difference between the intrinsic muscles of the hand! One takes one hand for granted; until you work in a hospital which is a Hand centre and you will never look at it the same way.
With hindsight - despite all the tears and frustrations and threatening to quit 'once and for all' - it was all worth it, just to say 'I passed' - and there had been MANY times when I came this close to throwing in the towel. If not for my wonderful wonderful colleagues, I think I would have done it. Just knowing that someone else felt the same way was enough.
To all future candidates, I cannot stress enough how important having a study group is. If I had to write it a million times, I will. It isn't just the studying, but the support system it provides. Just knowing that other people too felt crap was comforting. Of course, it helps heaps if they turn out to be the best group in the world. Seriously, I wouldn't have wished for a better group of mad mad people.
Mad because we had actually voluntarily put ourselves through it! Mad!
However, jokes aside - with everything now water under the bridge, I am glad I persevered. I wouldn't have been able to look at myself in the mirror if I had chickened out and quit before I knew how far I could go.
I know this sounds like a cliche, but SERIOUSLY, if I made through it, then ANYONE can.....
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
and now what....
I can't remember the last time I felt like vomiting, having to PU and BO (that's a number 1 and a number 2 respectively, in English, hehe) at the same time and it was not good.
Why and a thousand more WHYs came and passed unanswered. I vowed to get myself out of this, I must have been mad to even think I could.
But when the good news came, I had to ask my HOD to say it again, just in case, you know, all that lack of sleep had made me delirious. The fact that not everyone made it put a damper on the celebratory mood and of course Abg's the first person I called.
Syukur Alhamdulillah. So this old hag still has it in her, huh.
So now what? Will I be able to do this all over again in 3 and a half years?
Why and a thousand more WHYs came and passed unanswered. I vowed to get myself out of this, I must have been mad to even think I could.
But when the good news came, I had to ask my HOD to say it again, just in case, you know, all that lack of sleep had made me delirious. The fact that not everyone made it put a damper on the celebratory mood and of course Abg's the first person I called.
Syukur Alhamdulillah. So this old hag still has it in her, huh.
So now what? Will I be able to do this all over again in 3 and a half years?
Crap crap....
crappity crap.
Why did I put myself through this?
Ah well, terima je lah......padan muka sape suruh buat sangat.....
Why did I put myself through this?
Ah well, terima je lah......padan muka sape suruh buat sangat.....
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
New additions to the family
Harry and Cat - sambil tgk Masterchef Malaysia
Learning hemostasis with Harry.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
The last stretch
Loyal companion
This is it - the last month before the part 1 exam and I am going full steam ahead. Am I regretting I didn't start sooner? A little bit, but there's no use moping around about something I can't change.
Doubts, I had more than I can count and repeatedly I have moaned to Abg about quitting but apparently this is common - whether one acts on it or not is what makes each person different I guess. The only thing that is keeping me going is the fact that someone must have seen something in me that justifies me being chosen out of the so many that have applied. Some candidates had applied as many as three times and still didn't get in; I applied once with absolutely no expectations and had this given to me on a plate, so am I going to mope around and feel sorry for myself? Heck no!
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Ramblings of an insomniac
It is half three in the morning and I can't sleep. We're planning to drive to KL in about 3 hours time but my phlegm-filled chest is killing me.
I had suffered from coughing since the last one week which subsided after Abg got me special sinseh medications that were recommended by a friend. Lo and behold the cough improved but now I can't get the secretions out. I guess even coughs have a purpose. I wonder if it is possible to initiate coughing like making someone sneeze by making him/her sniff pepper
I've always found it ironic that I can barely keep my eyes open beyond 9pm on a working night, yet be so energised at 1 am on a weekend night. Similarly, on a working day, the snooze button gets hit at least 3 times before I groggily make my way to the bathroom, but come weekend, I am up half an hour before the alarm is due to go off.
I had suffered from coughing since the last one week which subsided after Abg got me special sinseh medications that were recommended by a friend. Lo and behold the cough improved but now I can't get the secretions out. I guess even coughs have a purpose. I wonder if it is possible to initiate coughing like making someone sneeze by making him/her sniff pepper
I've always found it ironic that I can barely keep my eyes open beyond 9pm on a working night, yet be so energised at 1 am on a weekend night. Similarly, on a working day, the snooze button gets hit at least 3 times before I groggily make my way to the bathroom, but come weekend, I am up half an hour before the alarm is due to go off.
Tuesday, October 04, 2011
Self doubt is a dangerous dangerous thing
I am not only having second, but maybe third, fourth and fifth and to the nth thoughts since I joined the programme.
Am I too old, am I too stupid, am I really good enough, why did they choose me, or am I just plain lazy - doubts like these crept into my mind over and over and over again and it is driving me nuts.
Why did I leave my wonderful life behind? I didn't need the extra money, I could rescue as many cats as I wanted, my home was near to completion and Abg would come home to me every day - sigh. When they say you have to make sacrifices joining the masters programme, I must have forgotten what the word meant.
Am I too old, am I too stupid, am I really good enough, why did they choose me, or am I just plain lazy - doubts like these crept into my mind over and over and over again and it is driving me nuts.
Why did I leave my wonderful life behind? I didn't need the extra money, I could rescue as many cats as I wanted, my home was near to completion and Abg would come home to me every day - sigh. When they say you have to make sacrifices joining the masters programme, I must have forgotten what the word meant.
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