Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Familiar faces

When oh when will I get my own phone line? Before I transferred from the other place, I'd already made arrangements for the old line to come here but Malaysian customer service being the way it is, guess what, four weeks on and there's still no news.

But anyways, it's been three weeks since I came back to HTM. I just love being in a hospital. As bad as being on call is, the quietness of the corridors and the sleeping patients (as long as they're not restless or gasping la) calms me. At least I've firmly decided on where I would like to work.

I had said before, during one of my farewell speeches, that whenever I leave a place, I only remember the good stuff. and when I left HTM, I kept missing the good natured ambience that the staff has. I forgot about when I whined about colleagues who took advantage of us junior ones or when it got so busy that I ended up escorting a patient twice in 12 hours. So naturally, the moment I spent my first day, they all come flooding back in a huge tsunami...hehehe.....and long suffering colleagues all rolled their eyes as if to say 'Macam la kau tak pernah kerja sini...'

Not only the staff are familiar, even some patients I still remember and they, in turn still remember me. Two chinese girls and their grandmother and aunt came to see me one day. The last time I saw her, she was this scrawny, pale thing who was stuck on oxygen and her mum. She had been my patient while I was in HRPZ II (formerly HKB) too. and now.....she's still scrawny but she's all grown up! :) Sadly her mother had died about 2 years ago.

Two days ago, my colleague referred a case which had equally saddened and enraged me the first time I met her. She was taken care of by her aunt. Her father, an IVDU had passed away and the first time I met her, the mother had passed away as well. The next I heard, her other two siblings also had died. Tell me, what other types of sadness and grief can you possibly wish on this unfortunate being? A year and half ago at least she was well. I could barely recognise her that day. Her limbs were like matchsticks, her tummy distended and her skin had multiple rashes. She looked exhausted; maybe she had finally given up on fighting for her life.

I've a hunch she might not return to Tanah Merah....and perhaps that is for the best.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Saturday, November 18, 2006

It was a cold and rainy day....

The monsoon rain beats heavily on her silver Kenari windshield. The grey clouds mirror the heaviness in her heart. Once in a while she clumsily wipes at the tears flowing on her cheeks.

Why are men so idiotic sometimes? She cries silently. Husbands in particular....! Is it so hard to show your appreciation towards your wife, whether it by words or by actions...? Teasing you may be but the word still smarts.

A muffled sob escapes her lips. She drives slowly pass the silent schools, the small roadside sundry shops and looks for a place she can stop by. She needs a moment to think.

Her phone rings. She glances at the display. Let it ring, her heart says. Serves him right for treating you this way. He's probably calling to admonish you for leaving the house without permission. He probably just wants to tell you off for letting him face the puzzled expressions of his family members, for he, does not know where his wife is. He, who ALWAYS knows where the wife goes. For she does not go anywhere without him.

But that was before. It's time to teach him a lesson. Let him know that he cannot treat her like chewing gum he accidentally stepped on and now wants to get rid off.

The beginnings of a headache throbs in her head. I need to get home. Regardless of how angry I am, I miss him already.

She starts her car and makes a three point turn. The rain still falls but already the clouds look a little less grey to her.

The house is empty. His car isn't parked at it's usual spot. Her heart lunges to her feet and beyond. Sampai hati.... The tears start to fall again. The throbbing becomes more intense. She should really get some sleep. A couple of paracetamols should take care of the pain. Her last thoughts as she dozed off was of him, laughing as he enjoys the weekend lunch at his sister's home. Happy to be rid off her.

Two hours later she wakes up. His arms are wrapped around her, his breath consolingly warm against her neck. She turns around and he opens his eyes. She starts to pull his arm away from her but he resists.

Stop it! Do you know what matters of things have been going through my head the past four hours? Do you know the moment I realised that you'd left, I rushed out to find you that I left my wallet at home and when I got to where I thought you'd be, I still couldn't find you and now the gas tank is empty and I didn't have money to fill it up?

She ponders upon his words, deciding if she should believe him but deep down realises that he has never lied to her so why would he start now?

Do you know how worried I have been, and how sorry I am that I'm such an idiot and please not do that to me again?

She turns to face him. She knows he's telling the truth and that he indeed has gone round and round all the usual spots they frequent, hoping to catch a glimpse of her silver Kenari. She knows that for everything that she thought was bad about him, there are 10 other things that are wonderful about him.

She pulls him close and embraces him. I didn't go far, no matter how mad I am at you, I wouldn't dream of leaving you....I didn't go far. I'm sorry.

Hush, it's ok yang, it's ok. Now come and eat lunch with me, I'm starving.

and that day, she had the best ikan goreng she has ever tasted.....

Monday, November 06, 2006

Rut rut rut

I'm in a rut.

and I don't know how I'm going to get out of it.

Yesterday was my first day back at work. It was nice in a way, starting in a place where you've worked before. Now and then ppl kept stopping and saying things like 'Macam pernah tgk je muka nie...' and I don't resent that. It was nice of them to say that. But I don't think I'll be making myself comfy here. I'd like to advance at some stage.

But most of all, I'd like to get my own house.

With my own things and where I don't have to tread softly everywhere I go and get permission with anything I use.


I'm back to sharing spaces for just 2 weeks and already I'm resenting it.

and I'm resenting it so much that it's taking a toll with the people around me.

Someone tell me how I should get myself out of this rut...

Saturday, November 04, 2006


Imagine trying to fit the entire content of a house into a room.

That is precisely what dr bekeng has been attempting to do for the past 2 weeks, bar the few days she had to celebrate raya.

and now she is totally overwhelmed.

She has tried putting some stuff at Ma's house in Pengkalan Chepa. A single seater sofa, the bed, the ironing board, the fan and the TV cabinet resides there now. The TV, on the other hand is currently sitting in a corner of the kitchen at FIL's house, a sad reminder of my currently (proper) homeless state. In her room, she has set up the PC (complete with her printer) AND another TV (albeit a much smaller one) and the DVD player. Some stuff has been replacing older equipments in FIL's house - the fridge, the washing machine, the ASTRO decoder (thank god no more interrupted dialogues!) and SIL will now be getting the microwave oven that used to sit on the kitchen counter because another microwave oven will be sitting there now.

BUT I still have about a tonne of other stuff that seriously needs a new home. What about my books - leisure and medically related-? What about my collection of DVDs? What about my stationeries? I now have two sets of toiletries and my lovely stainless steel, heavy bottomed crockeries are just sitting there in boxes....OUTSIDE, NEXT TO MY CAR......

Sorry, but I did say I'm overwhelmed...............