Monday, November 26, 2007

Cuai and lalai...

I'm still reeling from the shock.

It wasn't a bad call last night; I did, however, only got to crawl into bed at about 2 am and was woken up 2 hours later by a staff nurse who had brought down a baby who was grunting.

Babies are really fiddly to manage; I ended up staying with this lil one till about half seven, putting in a UVC and waking up my specialist from her sleep. Sorry Dr D! Then, it was regular work what with the Ortho Clinic still running unefficiently due to the disruption in the x ray service.

We finished looking at patients and I trudged off home at about quarter past one.

I realised that I was sleepier than usual but I really thought I could handle it. One minute I was contemplating overtaking the satria in front of me and the next an incoming car was honking at me and I found that the car had drifted into the other lane. In a flash I got into my lane, my heart pounding like it was going to fly off my chest.

Takut giler.


but even in that flash, I realise now how disorientated I was. I still couldn't recall what had happened to the car that had honked at me. Was I far gone into the other lane? What if I had drifted into the monsoon drain? More importantly, had I caused an accident? I remember checking my rear view mirror but couldn't really see anything to indicate so.


How could I have been so careless?

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Welcome and Goodbye....

Welcome to kitty number 4 and bye bye to Mimi and Momot (which has been changed for the time being to Fifi and Fizzy by my two nieces Mila and Asilah).

The three-shop canteen at my hospital had been seeing a steady increase in the number of strays lately. Most of the time the cats leave you alone but a friendly 'tsk tsk tsk' will always bring the sociable ones to you. Which is still puzzling me as to why I decided to choose the most unfriendly one of them all to bring home on Friday.

The moment Abg opened the box I brought him home in, he jumped right underneath my SIL's car. and totally refused to budge. Kejar kanan, dia lari kiri. Kejar kiri dia lari kanan. Kejar kanan kiri (by this time Asilah decided to join in), dia lari masuk enjin kereta.

After a while he was nowhere to be seen, and we all thought he might have run off but then Asilah managed to spot his scraggly tail from behind the car tyres and the chase began again.

We finally decided to back out the cars but still no kitty. On a last hunch, I told Abg to pop the car's hood and lo and behold, lil kitty was shaking his fur off in between the engine stuff. Apa la punya anak kucing....

A short visit to the neighbourhood vet (Fifi and Fizzy needed their first vaccination anyway) the next day revealed a swelling just above his left hip. She doesn't think it's a fracture and gave painkillers and some ointment to rub on the painful area. Bubu and the other two has been leaving the newcomer alone, preferring to jump all over everything else, as they usually do when let out of the cage.

So anyway, my two nieces have been saying that their father is on the lookout for a cat to keep in their kitchen. Preferably one who is of the 'menikus' nature. I decided to let them keep Fifi and Fizzy for a week to see if things will work out. So, bleh la guna cage for the sick kitty. Since it's the school holidays, at least the kittens wouldn't be left in the cage all day.

Sedih jugak la tgk Fifi and Fizzy leaving - macam saying goodbye to your own anak, okay... but at least when the new kitty gets better, I can be on the lookout for another one to rescue!

My vet also happens to sell kitties as a side income. Mostly domestic long hairs - I think if you're looking for breeds, Mawardi Pet Centre in Kubang Kerian is your best bet; the other day he was selling Bengal kittens for RM1.5k, okay?? Terkejut den - but still pricey, though. She asked me 'Tak teringin nak bela kucing mahal ke?' - I sengih je. It's not that I can't afford it but if you ask me, if you say you love cats, you love cats, period. Doesn't matter if they're pure breed or kucing kampung. It's not that I have anything against people who buy their cats, go ahead and do whatever you fancy; it's just that I just love the thrill (if you can call it that lah! I certainly think it is) of picking up a scraggly, starving kitty and nurturing and spoiling it and seeing it grow and be happy, you know what I mean? :)

Friday, November 16, 2007

It's half two in the morning and I can't sleep...

Thank anyone it may concern for internet connection at the labour room! It's 2.40 am and I can't sleep. I know I should be, but I never sleep properly when I'm on call anyway, and I can always sleep tomorrow.

Maybe I'm just racked with guilt. A man was brought in just past midnight for tendency to wander, not sleeping and talking inappropriately. Apparently, he is a known case of schizophrenia and has not been taking his medication for quite some time. I had just returned from KB after escorting an unfortunate case of cord prolapse and am not in the best of moods, and certainly NOT in the mood of seeing a loony at midnight.

I noticed that people tend to abuse the casualty department and treat it more like their come and go clinic. Imagine having to see a case of a week old kudis at 11 pm at night? Tak ke membara dibuatnya? I've had no qualms about telling these people off for misusing the A&E and I certainly made my feelings clear to the relatives of the mentally unstable guy squatting in the middle of my casualty department.

Tapi betul ckp DBI, lepas marah, rasa bersalah tu berat sgt di hati and menyesal sangat tapi inilah masalahnya bila berckp terlalu mengikut perasaan and emosi.

I had spent the afternoon practising my sutures. The early part of the afternoon after office hours was rather quiet that it gave me butterflies in my stomach. It was like the calm before a storm, you know? My storm came in the form of a primigravida with twins who actually had been planned for elective caesarian section in two weeks. She came in labour and had spontaneous rupture of her membranes. Since her first twin is lying transverse, surprise surprise (NOT), we had a cord prolapse on our hands. Within 20 minutes of arriving she was already pushed unto an ambulance heading straight to KB.

Sadly though, initial scan at the labour room in KB showed that the first twin's heart beat can no longer be seen. Sigh.

I hate days like these.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Mak Long, meh Hannah bawak beg Mak Long....

Yeah, saya sangat suka makan papaya...

Shakeel takde souvenir dari Sabah ke Mak Long?

Siapa sangka...

...anak kucing comot yang merayau kat OPD hospital tu.....

..oitttt.....tgk apa tu?

boleh jadi comel dan gebu macam nie....

Okey, shoo, Bubu nak tidur.....

Easier in than out?

My patients are like time bombs, I contemplate silently as I drove home post call this wet, winterlike drizzly morning along the TM-Machang road.

Many of them come relatively well yet at the slightest provocation or in some none at all, may trigger such an explosive chain of events that you as the doctor is simply blown away.

I've not had a, may I even call it dramatic, on call in a long long time. and I don't wish to have one similar to it in an equally if not longer time.

Referrals all day and two deaths upon arrival at HRPZ's casualty. Hmm, the MOs there are probably cursing me under their breaths.

Both deaths are octogenerians, but doesn't mean it is less painful to their beloved.

As I sit here watching my kittens being bullied by big fat Bubu, I wonder how the families are doing. Did they regret the decisions they made? Are they happy with the way I handled their cases?

The first difficult case in the morning initiated a disagreement among the family members. When she deteriorated, there was only one son and he told me specifically to go all out in managing her. When the rest of the clan turned up, it was a different story altogether. I was already being called to attend to an actively bleeding upper GI bleed case in the male ward so I left the case to my senior MO who, upon returning from escorting a case of a fully dilated transverse lie in labour, was called immediately to escort this one.

She told me later that the eldest son was unhappy that the decision to intubate and refer his mother was made without the whole family's agreement.

This is the dilemma; the decision to intubate or not is a very difficult one to be made by an MO, especially one who is oncall alone on a public holiday. When I am faced with an increasingly distressed patient, I can't just stand there and do nothing.

It was further complicated when during the resuscitation period, practically the whole kampung was watching us; most likely thinking the modern doctor is only torturing a soul who is ready to go. Yet, at the same time, we often get berated for denying them the chance to say goodbye.

I knew, practically, she was not the best candidate for active resuscitation yet till now I am still at loss for words when I try explaining this to the family. How do you tell family members to let go? Is letting go the same as giving up?

Furthermore, if I was faced with this, would I be rational enough to make the right decision?

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

My 2 sen

I wanted to blog about my holiday in KK but I've already written a really long review of it on forum Cari at the Travel thread and I know if I still went on and wrote it, it'd end up so crap so I might as well not bother.

BTW, RKM, I finally got your bro's kukis last week!! Haa, begitu lamanya coveted kukis tu nak sampai ke bumi Pulai Chondong nie...! and they are so sedap...! Tapi kalau buat simple choc chip instead of double choc chip pun sedap kot....hmm, yum yum.

There was a big bruhaha a few moons back about the issue of student vets and their piccies of holding piglets and a dog. Ingat tak? Seriously, kesian minah dlm gambar tu; I mean I'm sure she didn't mean for her personal photographs to be flaunted all over cyberspace, kan and some more for complete strangers to judge and call her names.

Well, anyhow, basically EVERYONE had an opinion on it and some of them were very mean! Hello, you are questioning her beliefs as a Muslim tapi yg kau kutuk sakan tu berperangai islamik sangat ke? Again, I am tending to hold back on my own opinions because ye la, aku nie pun bukan la pandai sgt tapi I don't see anything wrong with it. Yang salah adalah kalau dia makan daging babi tu or terpegang anjing tu dlm keadaan salah satu permukaan tu basah and itupun ada cara2 untuk mensucikan diri balik.

Besides, Islam teaches us to care and to love sesama makhluk and I don't think Allah ever intended us to be partial to dogs and pigs, kan?

Okay, before any of my readers nak letak komen about how you think I am wrong and a jahiliah, stop now and get out of my blog okay - go rant at the forums. This is my opinion and I didn't ask for yours.

I remember when I was at school, budak melayu had this 'thing' against babi sampaikan nak dgr diorg sebut perkataan babi pun tak nak. A bit like Harry Potter and his "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named" Voldermort. When I called a pig a pig, I would either be greeted with shocked gasps or the 'oooh,-the-mixed-girl-has-done-something-really-naughty' look which I tended to get often back then.

But to me, it wasn't a big deal. I mean, pig is babi, the same like tiger is harimau. Itu je. So, why the phobia?

Just digressing a bit, I am reminded of this time I went to this gift store at KB Mall - the very pink dominated two-door store next to the perfume department at Pacific. So, this young thing, complete with very short scarf tied 'mulut itik' style under the chin and ponytail berjuntai at the back, very short-short t shirt with short-short sleeves and tight-tight jeans was following me around. I was looking at soft toys and was looking at random teddy bears and suddenly found myself holding one of those fluffy pink piggies. The young thing (God bless her, I do think she was only trying to be helpful) 'mencebikkan mulut' to the poor soft toy piggy and said 'Tak cantik lah yang tu kak, yang nie cantik!' and held up lil Piglet of the Pooh and the Ashdown Forest gang!

and Yes, one of my infamous Zings was just waiting to be launched but I decided to be nice for a change and left quietly.

My point is though, that sometimes we forget that people tend to have different perspectives to ours. I tend to forget that more often nowadays. Just like the girls in the pictures are 'tak-kisah' towards pigs and doggies, I think the longer I work as a doctor, the more 'tak-kisah' am I towards death. To me, it's become just another process of life.

It all depends on your perspective and how we accept other peoples' and perhaps this world would be a better place to live in if we all understood that.