Thursday, September 24, 2009

You never know.....

how useful your side mirror is until you break it.

Driving back from work has been absolute hell. Now that you stupid inconsiderate drivers have clogged up the roads by forming two lanes on a one laned road, there are even more stupid drivers who think they can be clever by overtaking using other people's lane! Kau ingat kau sorang ke nak cepat?

It's safe to say that I made full use of my horn for those stupid drivers yang dgn muka tak malunya amik lane aku nak potong an already jammed, almost unmoving traffic.


Sunday, September 13, 2009

7 hours and 2 cakes later.....

...and I think I am feeling better.

Out of the seven deadly sins, which one do you think is the deadliest? Is there such a thing as a deadly sin being deadlier than the other?

There is WRATH, ENVY, LUST, GLUTTONY, PRIDE, ANGER, GREED and SLOTH. I was chatting to a friend and I remarked that I personally think ENVY is the worst of them all. Without envy, you will not get greedy about accumulating wealth, or be angry that someone is richer than you and be proud when you are richer than the person living next to you.

Perhaps I've got the concept wrong, but I think it all starts with being envious. I was trawling through FB (something that I really should stop wasting my time on, since there isn't much on it apart from looking at other people's VIRTUAL farms) and people are driving beemers, and having gorgeous houses that should belong in between the pages of Impiana and flying off to exotic countries for the sake of their careers. For a second, I felt envious.

Well, to be honest, it lasted more than a second and I wasted a few hours of my life being up there on my angry cloud, lamenting on how my life should be more exciting. That I should be driving a bigger car, or have a nicer house or own a Prada handbag or two.

and then I thudded to the ground - reality check. I thought about that Thalassemia patient, whose Hari Raya clothes were bought by her teacher and who could barely scrape enough money just to get her blood levels checked at the hospital. I remember a child who was admitted for pneumonia who was wearing clothes that looked worse than my dishrags. I remember that pakcik whose knees hurt so much that he could barely walk, yet despite us insisting that we could get him financial help on the prosthesis, is still thinking twice about it because he couldn't afford to pay for the hospital admission.

I remember a particular kakak who lived deep in the kampung that she has to pay a 'kereta sapu' RM50 just to get the family screened for TB at the hospital after her husband died from it - an RM50 that a lot of us take for granted yet this woman can barely pay.

So I will drive my battered Kenari because it still serves its function as a vehicle carrying me from point A to point B. So I don't own an Aryani or a Ratu or Fareeda or whatever-the-current-trend is tudung because I still own a drawerfull of plain bawal headscarfs because it still covers my aurat no matter how cheap or out of date they are.

I will think of these people that I have met and I will remind myself to stop being envious of things that I don't have but to be thankful for the things that I do have.

and with that, a more cheerful Selamat Hari Raya everyone.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Of exhaustion and a blocked nose...

The Facebook is akin to witnessing a horrifying accident, complete with torn up limbs and severed heads. You don't really want to watch but you look anyway. It's just the voyeur in all of us. You know you will probably hate what you see but you just HAVE TO.

I do find it 'amusing' reading status updates saying so and so is going to bed now, or that he/she will be going shopping. Perhaps some people find that interesting, I don't know.

Apart from being exhausted, I've also got a cold. My throat is dry as I am breathing through my mouth. I have barely spoken 10 words to my husband, an indication that my call has gone really badly and I know I am in a bad mood because I am on leave tomorrow and that doesn't cheer me up.

Perhaps it is the coming festivities. I've long learnt that festive occasions are more appreciated by people with kids, not for a jaded auntie with 13 cats. If not for Abg, I would be celebrating it by sitting in front of my Wii, surrounded by my furkids.

I started this post with a long rant in my head but I guess it's not worth it. I figure I am just feeling sorry for myself after that particularly bad call.

Selamat Hari Raya everyone.

Post call blues

There are calls that when I am off home, I feel satisfied, knowing that my patients are okay and are getting the treatment that they should.

and There are calls that I've left feeling exhausted and depressed.

Yesterday's was one of those.

The 60 plus pakcik had been unstable since the night before and he was already very ill by the time I reviewed him yesterday morning.

Unsurprisingly his condition deteriorated. Nothing I did appeared to help and the worst thing was I didn't really know what was wrong with him.

Finally I told his wife that there was nothing much that I can offer. He passed away at about half eight this morning and I'm left feeling dejected - was it my ignorance or lack of knowledge that contributed towards his demise? I hope not, but I am feeling pretty down nevertheless.

Friday, September 04, 2009

An oncall story

I was oncall last night. My partner had a horrendous one where he couldn't sleep much due to the trickling in of cases all throughout the night. Hence I was not in the best of moods when I started to be on call.

During the early evening, it was pretty quiet. There was a patient waiting to be wheeled into the ward, an elderly pakcik who was being nebulised, and an anime character look-a-like who looked like he was about to collapse from exhaustion and fever.

I was told pakcik requested to be admitted. Apparently he was fit to be allowed home. The male ward was already one bed short of being full and I wanted to save the bed for someone who really needed it, rather than someone who thinks he needed it.

Despite being told that he could go home, pakcik threw a fit and sulked. Apparently he sat on the floor and dragged himself all over the place and finally went outside at the waiting area. One of the security guards then actually wheeled him in again later that night, put him on stretcher number three and there he stayed for the rest of the night.

Needless to say, pakcik had a better sleep than me despite having construction work going on merely a few feet away.

The next morning after sahur, I went to clerk a case of abdominal mass (since when abdominal mass of 8 months is an emergency, seriously lah) and pakcik was still there.

and I wondered, how bad can it be that this pakcik would rather sleep on a stretcher in an emergency department, rather than go home?