Makcik me

Since when have I become so fickle and unsure of myself?

I went on a break last week and came back calmer and refreshed. I looked back at the person I was a few weeks ago and thought, 'What have I done?'

Indeed, what have I done? How could I let emotions get the better of me? I had never been the sobbing, giving-up type. When I was younger, when I was bullied, I didn't think twice about fighting back. I was my own self even during primary school and never really cared about what people thought about me.

What type of person have I become? I thought we were supposed to be better with age? No one told me that I would be a fickle minded makcik at the age of 30ish?

Sigh.

The end

Wouldn't life be easy if we knew all the right decisions and the outcomes that comes with it?

I have decided to withdraw from my Masters in Orthopedics training.


I know to some, the decision came as a shock. People wonder what brought it and make judgements on how I have wasted an opportunity. They could not see any reason for me to make such a drastic decision.

Now that the decision is final and my application to withdraw has been accepted by the department, I feel a tinge of sadness; perhaps for indeed theoretically taking away someone else's chance to become an orthopedic specialist.

I struggled with the decision for months before calling it quits - bottom line is I hated the person I have become. What my good friend told me was true - I let my emotions get the better of me and in the end, it just became too much.