Friday, June 20, 2014

Makcik me

Since when have I become so fickle and unsure of myself?

I went on a break last week and came back calmer and refreshed. I looked back at the person I was a few weeks ago and thought, 'What have I done?'

Indeed, what have I done? How could I let emotions get the better of me? I had never been the sobbing, giving-up type. When I was younger, when I was bullied, I didn't think twice about fighting back. I was my own self even during primary school and never really cared about what people thought about me.

What type of person have I become? I thought we were supposed to be better with age? No one told me that I would be a fickle minded makcik at the age of 30ish?


Sunday, June 01, 2014

The end

Wouldn't life be easy if we knew all the right decisions and the outcomes that comes with it?

I have decided to withdraw from my Masters in Orthopedics training.

I know to some, the decision came as a shock. People wonder what brought it and make judgements on how I have wasted an opportunity. They could not see any reason for me to make such a drastic decision.

Now that the decision is final and my application to withdraw has been accepted by the department, I feel a tinge of sadness; perhaps for indeed theoretically taking away someone else's chance to become an orthopedic specialist.

I struggled with the decision for months before calling it quits - bottom line is I hated the person I have become. What my good friend told me was true - I let my emotions get the better of me and in the end, it just became too much.