Fear

What do you call fear of people? Wait, I can't have that, I work WITH people, so it can't be that.....maybe it's fear of crowds, but that can't be it either; if that's true, then I would be a hermit, shying away from society.

My problem is this, when Abang's family has a 'kenduri', I find myself breaking out in cold sweat, my insides somersaulting and cartwheeling thinking about all those family that I have to meet. People in Abang's kampung still practice the traditional gotong-royong when it comes to holding a ceremony. Something we very rarely see in the city nowadays. When I say gotong-royong, I meant EVERYBODY comes. and EVERYTHING is done by these people. A group will be sitting round the gunny sack of onions, another will be cutting up the meat or veges. One or two will be stationed at the sink, eveready to receive gifts of dirty crockery to be washed. One makcik will be solely in charge of making the drinks. You get my drift?

I have no qualms about getting my hands dirty. I don't mind washing dishes until my fingertips get SO crinkly, even CSI wouldn't be able to identify me from my fingerprints. Give me a gunny sack of onions, I'll be more than happy to peel them, even if it means I'll be crying my eyes out.

Tapi, when the kitchen (and the outside too) is full of makciks talking in very thick Kelantanese accent, saying words I've never heard of, spreading juicy gossips about people I don't know; it can get very intimidating....but I guess this is something only an outsider daughter-in-law can understand. Being a daughter-in-law makes it even worst. I mean, if my side were to have a kenduri, Abang can happily sit outside reading the newspaper and nobody would say anything. But then, my family caters, so the situation is slightly different.

Don't get me wrong, I LIKE my in-laws. They're a bunch of honest, no pretence type of people. Loud but kind at heart. I can handle being with them during the weekends, and I treat my two youngest anak buahs like my own, but when the whole clan gets together....adoooiii.....I get lost. I stand at the periphery, making myself available, praying silently someone would order me to do something. I mean, I'm not that hard to ignore, you know, being nearly the size of a small continent.... So, in the end, I do the work that no one seems to be interested in doing: getting the ruang tamu ready. I happily instruct Abang to carry the sofa outside, vacuum and lay out the mats.

Thank god Abang isn't the fussy type. I guess, if he doesn't complain, why should I care if someone else says a mean thing about me being anti social (which is partially true) or lazy (completely untrue)?

Well, until the next kenduri comes, my stomach is taking a well deserved rest from all that cartwheeling and somersaulting...