Sense and nonsense on an oncall

Isn't it strange that I'm always in a writing mood when oncall? Perhaps it is the serenity of being by myself in the oncall room that is just so inspiring.

On some days, it really is calming to walk along the hospital's covered way, observing how relatives are glued to the windows talking in hushed voices as it is now way past visiting hours. When the beeps of the monitoring devices in the casualty and wards gets too overwhelming, a breather outside always helps.

But anyway, it is coming to the end of the year, and in February we will be celebrating our 5th anniversary. Has it been 5 years already? Sometimes 5 feels like merely a moment and at times, an eternity.

It is hard writing without going into specifics; there is a thin line between contemplating and gossiping/talking bad, when it comes to people close to you. There have been many times when I have started an entry, ready to launch into a full page rant about how badly I felt people were treating me or how people just won't understand me when I would stop halfway and save it, but never to be published. I guess an unpublished blog post can be therapeutical too.

I wonder what my long suffering husband is thinking as we approach this significant milestone. Is he happy I wonder, being married to an on/off harpy like me? Has he ever regretted taking the kadhi's hand and reciting the marriage vows to me five years ago? If he does, even for a fleeting second, I hope I have given him some happiness because I know he has given me loads. My Abg is the Yin to my Yang, the soothing effect on my temper, the calming balm to my razor sharp tongue.

Marriage is, to me, an acceptance. One must full heartedly accept the other's shortcomings before one can be truly happy. If there are so many things that you wish your partner to be, perhaps your partner is not the person that you should be with. But then, is there a difference between ACCEPTING and SETTLING? Ahh, what is life without the proverbial thin lines!

and of shortcomings, I know I have many. Sometimes, I hate me, if that makes any sense, but I know I haven't stopped trying. I think it is when people stop trying that problems occur. When people give up and don't think anything is worth fighting for, then you know that you are in trouble.

It is late, and I sense that I am no longer making sense so perhaps it is sensible to end this here for the moment...till the next on call, perhaps.