A weighty issue

Mum used to say that I have the total opposite of anorexia. You know la when anorexics think that they are fat when they are absolutely not; well Ma says that I think I'm not when I am so obviously overweight.

Seriously.

I've always had a weight problem since young. There was never a time when I'm not chubby or montel or sihat or semangat. But despite that, I've never had an intense desire to lose the extra flab. Teruk, tak?

I seriously envy people who have the willpower to say no to another helping of nasi minyak or meehun or even a slither of chocolate. What drives them to the sheer discipline, I wonder? Could it be the love of nice clothes and being able to fit into them? I get that sometimes, when I sigh lustfully at the nice off-the-rack clothes on sale at Jusco, tapi, the moment I step out of the ladies department and into the supermarket or bakery, out goes all lustful thoughts out the window and unto the nice creamed coffee slice, sitting in the display case, calling my name.

Some people lose weight in order to attract attention of the opposite sex - but as I was growing up, in my adolescent years, I don't remember liking a boy so much that I'd rather sit and drink plain water than a plate of nasi lemak while yakking away about how the indian boy in the next class is so intent on beating my English paper marks. Though the popular girls were nice to me, I have never assumed that I was ever one of them and would rather hang out with the so called 'weirdos', quizzing each other on stuff for our SRP exam.

Yes, peeps, I am a minah skema; and I still am actually - apart from when I'm driving, that is.

Health? Oprah once said that she made the decision to start losing weight when she started to have palpitations. Me, palpitations come and go, and STILL takde kesedaran langsung? Am I waiting for a more serious health scare before I really sit down and do this?

I do realise though, that my weight problem might have some contributing factors towards my present childless state. Ma has been telling me repeatedly about someone she knew who really dieted, only ate fruits and water and after losing all the extra pounds, managed to conceive.

I know people look at me in sympathy, wondering what is wrong that she has not managed to get preggy? - but surprise surprise people, I actually LIKE my life without the pitter patter of tiny feet. I'd rather spoil my nieces and nephews and be their favourite Mak Long/Che' Yana and not have the responsibility of making sure they turn out to be decent human beings.

I used to cry whenever it was the time of the month and Abg would pull me into his embrace and tell me that it's okay and that he doesn't mind tapi I know other people talk (among the advantages of having mulut kepochi nieces...:)).

*sigh*

Ntah laaaa - I guess I'm just gonna leave it in the hands of the Almighty. He has taken good care of me - a good family, a good husband and murah rezeki so far - so I'm sure He has something in store for me where kids are concerned.