Friday, January 11, 2008

Am I becoming too content for my own good?



I've always thought that contentment is the key to happiness. Being content with your partner and his/her shortcomings, being content with work and not be too 'berkira', content with your financial status - be it small or otherwise.

But lately I've been thinking whether I have been too content? Where is the fine line between contentment and lack of ambition/aspirations?

I used to wish that Abg is more romantic/more expressive - sometimes I'm not sure what he really feels - and it has been the source of a few minor (and bordering major too) squabbles between the two of us - but then I realise that Abg does the small small things that I sometimes tend to overlook; like when I noted that the toilet is looking a bit grubby (masa tu pakai spek, kalau tak pakai, tak nampak) and the next thing I know, as I was rolling up my sleeves to get down to it, I saw that it has already been scrubbed. Bila masa dia buat pun tak tau. and when he brings the car for its regular maintenance, or when he hangs up the clothes or when he never orders me or expects me to do the ironing or when he offers to buy dinner when I'm too lazy to cook.

Financially, I'm okay. I mean, we never have to scrutinize every single thing we buy (something Ma often shakes her head to! :)) and yet we have enough left over to give generously to my parents and brothers, go on holidays and occasionally get something expensive as gifts and still have some savings so as to keep during the rainy days. Do I ever wish to become richer? Hmm, I don't know - sometimes I do wonder what it feels like to have tonnes of dough and have chandeliers the price of a small bungalow hanging in my dining hall - but it only lasts about 2 secs and then I'm back to reality. The reality that some people barely have enough to eat, don't even own a car to bring them to the nearest clinic or that some of the babies I treat wear clothes that are as worn as the 'kain buruk' in my kitchen.

So, in short, no, I am not obsessed with being rich.

What about careerwise? Frankly, I really cannot face 4 more years of reading and slogging. I barely have time to be a proper housewife, what with only arriving home at half five most days and being oncall (and of course post call days are down the drain too). I salute all working mothers; and especially those without maids - you people really are superwomen! But anywho, where do I go from here? Takkan nak jadi chronic MO? Occasionally I am just tempted to work off the remaining 5 years of my contract and then resign....but will I be happy not working? Sometimes I wish I am brave enough to do something else - but what? Do you think I will be a good businesswoman? or maybe a writer? I may be content where I am right now but will I be so in 5 years time? Furthermore, what if in 5 years time I look back and wish I had done something about it?

2 comments:

Roti Kacang Merah said...

alah, your entry's like a message from heaven.

i was thinking exactly the same for quite a while... about suami and financial and all that.

not only your entry ni lifts me spirit a lot (maknanya, i'm actually not alone feeling like this...!), tapi bersyukur that i'm reminded that despite the shortcomings, we're way luckier than a lot others.

5 years ago, i remember thinking the same thing about my career. i was tried, weary, gaji tak naik for two years. but when i let go and just do my work dengan niat nak belajar, and then things went free-er and perjalanan makin mudah - career wise - Alhamdulillah.

maybe we should just make the best of everything and not concentrate or fret too much on the shortcomings... then things would be easier on us all, kan?

Sue Tiramisu said...

RKM,
sometimes i think i am content, and am happy tapi kdg2 takut that i have become TOO comfy or TOO content sampai tak mahu fikir about improving myself....itu yg i takut tu...

is there such a thing as being too happy?