Shall I..?

Shall I write about pakcik in bed 15 who started to have difficulty breathing suddenly at about half seven last night? He who deteriorated and became so blue that we had to intubate (and re intubate) and for whom I spent 3 hours looking for a bed and ventilator for?

or shall I write about sleeping at half three, after eating my cold rice and waking up at half four and then five and then half five to check on the patient with low blood pressure and was told about another supposedly stable patient who became breathless and restless?

or shall I write about the fact that a bunch of us were supposed to sit for an exam this morning and with only 2 hours of sleep, I am in no shape to be answering questions?

Shall I also write about my oncall partner who also only went to sleep at three, and then woken up to resuscitate another patient in the ward and then called to attend another case of shortness of breath at casualty?

Shall I write then about this son whose father passed away unnoticed in the midst of the chaos that is the male medical ward, whose puzzled face when I told him that his father had passed away is still etched in my mind? I hate it when it gets too hectic that I've become such a nasty MO to my staff nurses who are already overworked, that a death is just another number in the statistics that I forget about the grief and the loss.

Shall I write about this particular staff nurse who totally ignored my orders to push the emergency trolley when the above patient stopped breathing - simply because her shift had finished? I was so shocked at her (non) reaction yet too busy to attend to the case that it is only now that I am overwhelmed by my anger.

These are the things that five years of medical school can never teach you and whether it makes you into a better person or otherwise is totally up to you.