My Superwoman

My Ma is the 'garang' type. I would jokingly tell bro Wan how lucky he is that Ma has mellowed down so much over the years.

There is not a month that passed that we didn't have markings of beatings on our legs. I totally understand her, we were a bunch of (sometimes) naughty kids and she was working till she had Yaya so it was stressful, being a mother at that stage. Though looking back at our childhood, we were practically angels compared to kids nowadays.

Seriously.

You know how when you have people visiting and their kids would be breaking your child's toy, and jumping up and down your sofa and all their parents seem to do is sigh wistfully and say 'Budak-budak......'? Ey, if we were like that, one stare from Ma and we would be reminded of what was in store for us once we got home. Ma did mention though that we were very well mannered when we were visiting other people, never needed prodding to behave; we always knew what was proper and what was not.

Anyway, you mention it, we've been beaten by it: rotans, rubber hose, hangers, rulers - so I think you can probably picture how naughty we were...hehehe.. and how 'garang' Ma was. But, regardless of how bad a beating we got, Ma would always make sure we knew why we were punished. I remember once, after a really bad spanking, I was crying on my bed examining (and actually counting! Hahaha, 'modal' for feeling sorry for oneself) the welts on my legs when Ma came into the room to apply soothing cream on them. She would be telling me what I did wrong and how badly she felt after each beating and I remember how stubbornly silent and angry I was. She would always mention that each beating hurt her more than it hurt us. It sounded ridiculous to me at that time but I'm sure every parent knows exactly what she meant.

It didn't help that I was a very stubborn child. Everytime I got punished, I would retaliate by sulking in my room and refusing to go out to eat and I could be stubborn for a very long time too.

When I was in my teens, something happened and Ma and I ended up not speaking. We were like US and Soviet during the cold war. It was as if I didn't exist in the house. Ma would not leave out any food for me nor did she wash any of my clothes. In the end, Pa was the one who could not bear the hostility and forced me to apologize. To this day, I can't recall what was the silly thing that made me act that way.

Unfortunately, as Abg would gladly admit, the hard headedness have persisted till now.

I digress - presently, I look back to my childhood with absolutely no regrets. Ma and Pa have provided us with everything we wanted and did not leave me wanting for anything. The only reason that I would have a kid, if I could, was so that he/she/they could have the childhood I did, beatings and all.

I may sound like I condone physical punishment, and in a way, I do - but in the sense that IT being only a minor part in bringing up your kid. It MUST come together with love, respect and patience. I think, most importantly, in order to be a decent human being, one must be able to differentiate between good and bad, and have a conscience. Without a conscience, one will not be able to feel bad when he/she has done something wrong, and if you don't feel remorse, what will stop you from repeating your mistakes?

There is one memory that I am sharing here, that Ma will or will not remember.

When we were younger, Ma would make us bring food from home and most of the time it'd be boring stuff like jam sandwiches. Maybe she did give us 'cool' food sometimes, but all I can remember right now are the horrible jam sandwiches. At MGS, we had a really huge canteen, selling iced water (10sen per glass only!) and ice balls to wantan mee and nasi lemak. The nasi lemak booth is right at the end and next to it is the ice cream Auntie. The best thing in the world at that time was having asam boi ice lollies on a hot day. They were only 10sen but it doesn't really matter how much they cost when your mother doesn't give you any spending money.

What I would do (Urgh, I cringe as I am recalling this, such is the idiocy of youth!) was to 'collect' any small change Pa had in his work trousers. Pa would always leave his work trousers on the bed (something he still does now) and whenever no one is looking, I would go through his pockets for coins.

I know! 'Teruk', right! Hahahaha.

and the next day, there I would be, enjoying my asam boi or kopi ice lolly.

This went on for a few weeks and one day I was just swamped with guilt. I decided enough is enough but in order for me to feel better, I just had to come clean to Ma. I can recall exactly what happened: Ma had just finished her prayers and I told her everything. At the end of it, Ma simply told me not to do it again. Was that what happened, Ma? Hahaha, but definitely did not get beaten lah.

I knew that what I did was wrong. I could have easily went on 'collecting' loose change from Pa's work trousers, right? But my parents raised me well enough that I had the ability to feel bad about what I did.

THAT was the only thing I remembered from that snippet of my childhood. Despite the way I am telling this, I am NOT blaming it on my Ma for not giving us spending money (I'm sure she did because I do remember buying nasi lemak and wantan and sarsi but my mind is so befuddled that I can't recall whether it was because Ma gave us money or was it due to my unofficial 'toll'), and I certainly DO NOT remember going through primary school with longing or feeling that I lacked something.

Whatever it is, I hope my parents are comfortable in the fact that the bottom line is, they raised a bunch of decent human beings. It's definitely a bonus if your kids are geniuses or famous or rich but surely it all starts with decency.

I often wonder if my parents have regrets about the way they raised us; I certainly have never asked them this but if she does, then I say don't because to me you surely did one hell of a job.

Happy Mother's Day.